Yeah. My legs are trembling...hard to walk. Feels like a neon arrow is pointing at me saying "just had sex (with not his wife)"
Hate sex is AWESOME! I faked it, and when she fell asleep i came in her purse.
The story about him having a girlfriend changed real fast when he found out that I was a gymnast
where's my purse there's an important taco in it
Needless to say they were not happy to find out that we braided their hair together, when one of them woke up needing to puke bad
Something's wrong. My throat is definitely not in it's normal spot. Way too low.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
Yeah. Not my best idea. But I'm hoping for the best . And by best, I mean not jail
He left his phone. Turns out he;s been sexting with some girls who can't spell. Time to break out the herpes scare.
Well if she's the kinda girl that doesn't want you after seeing a pic of your balls squeezed together, she's not the girl for you.
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
I forgot drug dealers have families, too. Cheers to a sober, uncomfortable, slightly enraging Thanksgiving.
This text constitutes a formal request for sexual congress under the terms of our Relationship Agreement.
You ever fart so bad at work that you think about taking a sick day just to spare your coworkers from the savage olfactory beating they are about to receive?
You just had sex during the movie Radio. This is an all time low
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