I really hope you get sexually violated by a pterodactyl tonight.
Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
He ate me out on the balcony. My asian neighbors cats are judging me...ALL 3 OF THEM!!
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Things I have learned since the start of my first college spring break: do not fart in an enclosed space (such as a shower stall) when hungover. You will throw up. More lessons to follow as week continues.
He makes me want to shower. It must be love.
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
there's cocaine on the ipad again........... was your sister here last night?
Why are friend nudes not more of a thing? My tits look awesome right now.
He fucked me over, so I'm going to do what any rational woman does. I'm going to get really high and have sex with his brother.
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
You should probably come home from vacation now. I make badddd decisions when you're gone.
Randomize
