Dating my ex's drug dealer.. best. revenge. ever.
She thought I was gay, so I told her I'd be more comfortable with anal. She agreed.
Was finally able to jerk off without the motion giving me a migraine. Think my hangover's getting better.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
Why the fuck did I wake up in a chair with mouth clamps?!
I'm getting shit face wasted, and I have to be up so early tomorrow. I am bad at smart.
Bonding with my year old cousin over the fact that we both shit ourselves. Babysitting like a bosss
I haven't received a dick pic from him lately. He's not even my boyfriend and I'm concerned. I hope he's alright.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
He fucked me while wearing a unicorn horn. I think I have found the one...
I just slept for fifteen hours straight. It's like my body knows i'm drinking with you and is preparing..
Step one: We finally agreed on an au pair that we both wanna fuck.
Trying to figure out these fractions. I bought 5 fifths of gin last week. Does that mean I have one whole gin? 5/5 = 1, right? You're having to homeschool your kids right now--so ask them.
Visiting my great uncle went well. The highlight of the evening was when he said, "Oh my god. I'm 79 and I'm teaching 18 year old kids how to roll a joint."
Randomize
