his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
Making pb&j crepes. Using corn tortillas. So high. I don't know if I'm offending French people or Mexican people more.
Well, I'm eating cake, watching wedding videos of people I don't know, and crying. Clearly I'm a vision of mental health today
Found a Safeway Deli Sandwich in the shower this morning... Perhaps the 9th beer was unnecessary.
They ran through the sprinklers in front of campus police, shirtless. Singing "love is a battlefield"
I'm pretty sure the bus driver knew how hung over I was and hit all the pot holes on purpose. I threw up into my water bottle.
I just really need a hug and a shower beer
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Almost to work. And still feel hungover. Like my body is trying to regenerate after dying. Full on zombie shit. But like, one of those zombies from warm bodies that comes back to life slowly.
Let's be real. I'm the Usain Bolt of running away after hookups. Fastest (wo)man alive.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
All I remember thinking is, why the fuck are there martians on the ceiling? And they were riding fruit. Like strawberries and shit.
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