I told her I would melt her with my mustache. Needless to say, he pants were soon off.
it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
She said she didn't want me watching her give me a bj, so she proceeded to make a "blowjob igloo" out of blankets...
I went to a bar in my pajamas last night. I'll be there again tonight in a wolf costume.
Im otw to class. I was at the Library. Just past three girls with a bottle of tequila playing dizzy bat.
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
I'm pregnant.
The fact that this number is not in my contacts is giving me hope it's a wrong number???
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
Either I think of sex like a man, or all the men in Vegas are women.
I've learned life lessons in Vegas. Mostly, drugs are cheaper than alcohol.
Are you still free tonight?
Oh shit I kinda forgot and took acid
He can kiss the multicultural 3 some goodbye
It was somewhere in between an airport security patdown and a medical examination. No groping or squeezing, just brief pokes and pats.
Wanna go on a picnic?
... by picnic I mean wanna sit on a blanket and drink with me?
HE'S FUCKING 19 YEARS OLD, HE CAN'T EVEN GET INTO A BAR WITH ME, WHAT MAKES YOU THINK I'LL LET HIM IN MY PANTS?!
Randomize
