Can i come over
After you called me a desperate slut? No
Come over
My sheets at my parents place are clean. No braveheart but I can paint myself, yell "freedom", and sword fight you with my cock. So come over.
I love my bros weed
Im gonna hate it in like 20 mins though
i may or may not be dressed up as my farmville farmer. gonna harvest some ladiesss tonight!!!
just looked in the mirror, I fell asleep with a face mask on. At least drunk me cares that much about the condition of my skin
Don't be offended. I can't even stand sleeping next to my dildo after I'm done, let alone a whole person.
mom found the triscuts in her underwear drawer, its done.
Rosemary is literally sitting on the ground holding on to the rug because she thinks she is going to fall if she lets go. We smoked way too much.
My mom is lecturing me about 'invaluable housekeeping skills' while I google 'cocktails involving gin' on my phone. I can feel the generational gap looming in her silent judgment of my choices.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
Give me 20 minutes.. I'm going to need to start off with an orgasm to get through this day
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
Randomize
