You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
He said he forgot to take his shoes off, and that he was a bad boy because he was walking on the carpet. Then he sang. Then he shouted "I'M STILL FORGETTING."
I'd say the best part of the party was when you screamed to everyone that you were gettin dome on the reg
i left because you were standing at the top of the stairs throwing shot glasses and bottles full of alcohol at me and yelling JAGERBOMBS
Dude i swear to christ if he sends me one more pic of a "magnificent dump" im changing my number
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Watching elf, eating a tub of ice cream, and coming to terms with the fact that I haven't had sex in 5 months. Happy fucking holidays.
This girl braided my pubes while i was asleep. Now i cant get them undone.
Snow days are when you really appreciate that your neighbor is on your bang roster.
Hey, what's a nice way of saying "Why'd you send me a picture of your boobs last night" without seeming ungrateful?
Also, next time I go get a wax, I'm gonna ask the girl about the innie to outie ratio she sees on the daily.
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I don't know..He walked out of your room with a kraft single..and blood on his shirt...He really wanted cheese.
I’m 37 with a career and a home and yesterday my niece set up Snapchat so I can sext with my 22 year old boyfriend/fuck buddy. Yes. Yes I’d say I need help?
We're hate flirting, damnit.
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