yeah it was kind of like, i'm 27 and still live in a frat house.. you honestly expect me to have "moral fiber" and a "conscience"
The bride says you won't want any of the single ladies...
Let's let the open bar be the judge of that.
One minute we were getting noise complainted by the security guards the next I was shotgunning a beer with them
Dude, it's the frankincense and myrrh soap. Smelling like baby Jesus will get you laid.
Well he just said "there's glass on the floor and it's okay I'm only bleeding out of my esophagus" so yes he's tripping
We found you wrapped up in a tarp in the garage the next morning, thats how real shit got.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
I'm in the fetal position watching the little mermaid and trying not to die. When do you come home?
Don't call police on the strange man passed out in his car in the driveway. I'll be home around noon to collect him.
I should probably eat a Plan B. Pill for breakfast. Happy Halloween.
I want a dick in my left hand and a Crunch Wrap Supreme in my right hand.
I was looking at your nipple and it made me think of you
Well I hope so...
Kinda thinking about going to my moms wedding high
Southwest doesn't have zingzang bloody Mary mix. I'm gonna file a complaint with the FAA
He just fucked me into paralysis. can't feel my hands or face.
Randomize
