if you come down to my room ill tell you a secret
you want my honest opinion? I'm sure refering to her vagina as the "bat cave" was your first mistake.
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
You know you're on day 1 of your period when the new mcdonalds commercial makes you cry
Oh come on. There's no way I was the only female choir student taking shots in the back room.
Just a smidgen more estrogen and shed be golden
She's got a legit dose of dude going on
No kidding. All she needs is a cheek full of chewing tobacco and I'd have fucked John wayne.
also i think i should join the bone marrow registration when im sober
Second time this week margarita night turned homoerotic
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
rigging a system to keep my jello shots cold in class. important election day work.
Yelling at the starbucks lady to write Beyoncé on my cup
It'll be a romanticized airport meeting until I'm judged for sitting on his face in the terminal
QUIT RUINING DICK PICTURE DAY
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
I seriously just forgot to push down the toaster twice in a row \n\nSo I've been waiting 8 minutes for toaster strudels that I haven't even started... Too high
Randomize
