We better get laid next semester cause I prayed hard
I even walked 30 feet with my eyes closed from two love rocks so that we get some cock
They found an open window, climbed through and proceeded to arrest half the party. These campus cops are like fucking ninjas.
I just ate a whole pineapple for lunch. You should be begging to give me a bj tonight.
I fell asleep to him stroking my ass calling it his precious.
please tell me why my pillow is wearing your thong...
...i wondered where i left that...
I need to stop getting so excited when a guy unzips his pants and its bigger than my boyfriends. I look like a kid in a candy store.
nothing like walking in the house at 3 am in my panties and a sheer shirt carrying a life sized cardboard dale earnhardt jr
I had to rub one out before the Shabbat dinner in case I find a nice Jewish girl to fuck me in the bathroom.
Your mother would be so proud
On NPR this morning, farmers are feeding weed to pigs. The result: pot bacon. Life just got better.
This is my gift to your gina
Right now I'm drinking out of a gallon water jug & eating a baconator. If you're feeling down, just remember you could be me.
He was so high he started playing Twister on the striped rug. Then when we missed midnight he went on a screaming rampage about his New Year's Eve being meaningless. How do you think it went?
You are in a fancy European city. The best way to truly experience the city is through Tinder
Guess whose grandma smokes weed?
I once went to target high on hydrocodone. I assure you, they can handle unrespectable.
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