He introduced her to the DMA meeting by saying: in the past few years i've never seen someone work so hard for so little success
Can Purell be used as lube?
We just walked into this party and immediately got handed a grilled cheese sandwhich....
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You are beautiful! I got thrown out of a bar tonight for throwing my shoe. It was at my sister, I don't know why they were mad. I know her.
Just had the weirdest flashback. Did we buy melon, take it into the restaurant and try to make them give it to us as dessert?
Her vagina smelt so bad I lied and told her that I was married just so that she would leave.
How bad does the situation have to be before its ok to attempt 'catastrophic event sex'?
First stoner thought of the day: Life would be so much better if there were more things that were biscuits and gravy flavored.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't remember... but I heard a cop threatened to pepper spay my dick
I just meant the frequency of your blow jobs on a flow chart wouldn't look too promising
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
This guy on tinder just told me that he wanted to tie me up and asked me what I thought. I told him I wanted tacos
In other news, I tore a tendon in my hand from giving my boyfriend handjobs so that's how my day is going
Thanks for driving us home last night. Also, blanket apology for anything I may have said/done. I blacked out sometime near the t-shirt cape incident
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