i woke up this morning to a slap on the ass and jake saying "you should let me put it in your ass now" i need out of this relationship.
for sure. did you let him do it?
thats not the point.
i just saw a woman using her birth control packet as a wallet.
Its weird to pet your cat with a boner
What the fuck?
My motherly instincts are overcoming my slutty ones
I smuggled my gin and tonic out of the bar by shoving the glass in my pocket...mistakes were inevitable.
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
i jsut feel off the bus, but its ok the driver let me back on. a woman hid her baby from me..
I may or may not juuuust be reaching the point where I find some humor from waking up in the parking lot at the standard.
I picked up a guy that night wearing a onesie. I kicked Xmas' ass
I'm told I threw my cigarettes at the TV one by one Shouting about the cast of Community.
i don't remember much about your party last weekend but i remember you being so drunk you were crying in your driveway about pickles at four am
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I AM STRANGELY AROUSED BY THIS UNEXPECTED DEVELOPMENT AND I AM COMPLETELY OK WITH THIS.
fuck school, let's just become the worst strippers ever
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