If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
at a bar with my ex girlfriend.. both men AND WOMEN are hitting on her.. and not one has even looked at me
Nothing says Welcome to America than having the international house watch a sorority girl puke over the edge of the porch at 8am.
there is a video of me from last night trying to light my breath on fire. that drunk.
He left npr on the whole time when we were doing it. ironic that i lost it on the 100th anniversary of the titanic. thanks michelle norris.
As we're eating sushi she goes I just want to get a disease so my mom can take care of me... Great first date
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
If they weren't representing Obama and the White House, they definitely would've punched me in the face.
I think if you have sex on the couch it will psychologically damage it.
On a completely different note: my hookup and i are now in a semester GPA competition. Winner gets froyo and sexual favors. School just got interesting.....
It's not even 8:30a, wine glass is broken, there's sugar everywhere, and your mom just asked me what MILF means.
Its a good night when you make $200 and didn't have to see any balls
I swear I have some evil slut demon in me when I'm blacked out
Don't we all.
People don't believe me when I say the bruises are from work. They just smile and say "right." Trust me, I WISH my sex life was that exciting.
I'm just letting you know right now in advance that if I die or go to the hospital or end up in jail tonight it's because your kid sold me mushrooms.
Randomize
