oh my she just said cum sticks to her dentures so when she blows if they let her she takes them out
He can't get past my hymen. At least that's what he said it feels like.
Ask me how many people I've slept with. Because its changed since I last saw you.
I saw you 20 MINUTES AGO. You need to stop this.
somehow writing 'not a skank' on yur boobs doesn't really make you look less skanky...
I told the cop it was my birthday and he said "happy fuckin birthday", handcuffed me and threw me in the back of the cop car.
Brought out my three foot martini glass last night, that explains why I haven't left my bed all day long.
I either just got cockblocked or saved from a lengthy court case so I'm kinda conflicted about how my night went.
I just want you to know that I'm, like, 45% hard right now.
tell me why they applauded then the bartender locked himself in the bathroom when i walked into the bar today ????
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
Remember when you laughed that I downloaded a “fireplace” station on my Roku? I just woke up butt naked on my couch with my fireplace station playing. So there, guess that shows you. Now excuse me while I go back to sleep in front of my fireplace.
Randomize
