ya dads aren't the best wingmen
I really liked your hair last night but that style makes it really hard to hold it while you puke
i just watched a video of two girls fucking with a banana and i thought of you.
i hate you
I don't think the car's salesman understands that I am about to vomit on him.
she left around the point i tried to tie her hair around my dick
Hey when you wake up and read this, we really need to stop pullin our dicks out when we drink dude. I have all the pics, yall are assholes
I seriously think I got run over last night.. My sides are bruised and I got a ride home in the limo from the office.
Realized we were outta oj used gerber graduates mixed fruit juice as a mixer. Mother of the Year award right here
Sorry brah. Drastic times called for drastic measures and I had to go home and bang a cougar.
I know of an excellent nanny. A lot like Mary Poppins but way cooler. And likes pot.
Well sort of got busted by a cop while having sex outside, so your call
You need to somehow incorporate the phrase "these hoes ain't loyal" into your best man speech.
At least you didn't sleep with Ashley's uncle.
My husband was abducted by a group of disco dancers in the parde and danced off down the street. If you see him, tell him to Hustle on home and clean the cat box. #MardiGras
I told my mom that I was just gonna go check the mail. It's been 19 hours, and I woke up in a hot tub covered in chocolate, with a text from her sayin "have fun sweetie"
Randomize
