I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
dude you apologized to her after she called you stupid. you were like "no i'm sorry, you shouldn't have to be around stupid people, it's my fault"
I just wanted to say sorry for trying to jack off your dog last night.
he has a puerto rico area code and says his name is johnny cash. extremely suspect
We went to the casino to try to earn enough money to go to new Orleans comfortably. I'm already drunk. This is a horribly immoral start to summer.
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Some dude peed on tonys floor because drunkness
They offered him a bucket as he was peeing and he was like "Nah, I'm good"
I'm literally in the bathroom for two minutes and I walk out to a random dude with his face in your tits
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
NO. NONE OF THAT. SHAME ON YOU.
tell me about the eggs
Randomize
