just landed in detroit. Currently holding a bag of my own vomit. neighbor told me it was the most graceful vom she has ever seen. Kicking off bar exam week in style.
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
He made the Waffle House lady get me out of the car. This isn't a joke.
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
Sally, Your mom and my mom hooked up in college, we must uphold this tradition.
I mean honestly, what would you have done?
Not screw her in the church house?
listen I need taco bell and an orgasm within the next hour. I'll leave the order in which you provide those things up to you
I woke up covered in thousand island dressing. I need answers.
We are literally scheduling phone sex... if that's not long distance af then i don't know what is
I'm very disappointed that your kitten almost ate my weed cake...
We are balling out on levels, I think mikes about to go to jail. something to do with a unicorn and rainbows, the cops are not being reasonable.
I brought my porn computer to class by accident
How much porn do you watch if you need a special computer?
Randomize
