Can we progress our friendship to a point where i'm at least granted a blowjob allowance?
i'm watching the draft and making cookies. how am i still single?
i wanna anger bang this girl behind me at work. she never shuts up with her annoying voice. but her boobs are phenom.
where did this taco bell managers name tag come from ?
But today feels so special with katie getting herpes and me cleaning my room. Good things are happening.
I was all over the place but at every locale you would pop out of nowhere and hand me a huge drink and say "HAMMERED"
I am the fairy godmother of the drink.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
I can't wait for you to tell me about your sex.
It's a short, short story.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
We grabbed as many adult diapers as we could and made a run for it.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Every time I started to really hate the guys on tinder, the universe throws me a muscly beardy bone.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
next time you go get food at three am and leave a rando here can you warn me??? Also i tazed him. but it was just my little one so i think he'll be fine. bring me some fries.
Randomize
