Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
I can’t believe the potential orgy I left behind at Waffle House.
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
You hit on the cop telling him you were celebrating the anniversary of your 21st birthday and ur boob job... That's how he got ur #
ah tequila...
I am at the point where deciding not to drink alone is worth a rocky music montage in and of itself.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
Apparently I took one a huge picture off the wall at the bar and was walking around dancing with it..
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Do I not have a Brazilian bc of my boyfriend situation or do I not have a boyfriend bc of my brazilian situation?
Between the uncertainly of my bowels today, and the distance the bar is to my house, remember I am doing this for you and our mutual appreciation of alcoholism.
that man is just a bundle of powerful magic and poor judgment
I can't help that I bring out the sex in people
My night has consisted of googling cat penises and creating a Tinder profile.
that lady just saw me taking a picture of her baby... It's time to leave.
Randomize
