Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
I'm high, and her 2,100 tagged pictures annoy me even MORE. I wish it had a google searchbar so I could type in "cleavage pics" to get to the point.
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
I just deleted all the drug dealers from my phone, I guess this is growing up
Can you do me a favor and fuck someone with a car so I can get a ride home?
PSA: Morning booty calls are no longer accepted after the hours of 6am when I've been drinking or before 11am when I have not. Your cooperation is appreciated.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
Wearing a shark mask, slugging tequilla, in cowboy boots, and not minding that my spandex is on backwards. What are you up to?
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
I know it was a good night because I got a lecture from my roommates mom about stranger danger
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
He sent me a 2am email the just said "Ping". Nerdiest booty call ever.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
The struggle bus has heated seats and stops at Dunkin on Friday mornings so I'll be okay.
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
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