It's like sleeping with someone you met at a karaoke bar. It's never okay.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
Never drink rum straight from the bottle, even if people say it'll make you a pirate. It won't: it'll make you a bumbling shitfaced idiot who just drank rum straight from the bottle.
bet u 5 dollars u can't guess were i woke up this morning
oh god.. jail?
better, on the catwalk of the auditorium
so how was last night?
got high and had our usual talk about the definition of cole slaw. then tried to call the ramen noodle company and convince them why my face should be on thier packages.
Tequila bombs in champagne seemed like a good idea at the time.
thank you for reminding me that I stumbled into a public place drunk at 9am wearing a chicks pants.
If I wake up with an unknown penis in me one more time I am literally going to press charges to the makers of tequila.
Dude if i sent you a picture of the inside of my fridge would you be able to break down and explain everything that was in it?
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
Sorry my phone died because I decided charging my vibrator was way more important
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
He said he would get me a helmet and bedazzle it with my name and address so the cabs would know where to take me
And despite my lack of successful relationships I'm a fucking guru
That's like claiming you're a good coach but going 2-12 last season
The girl at the liquor store remembered me as "the girl who pays in hundreds" so she didn't ID me
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