I texted him about a book we both like. I was expecting a "ya great book... let's bone" response. It didn't work
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
maybe i'll see you again later :)
I'd rather shit a knife.
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
Currently getting "blaow" buzzed into my pubes. How's your thursday?
I dont care how drunk you were. Making a bet with MY husband at MY wedding that you could seal the deal before he could is ALWAYS inappropriate!
I'm obsessing over hocus pocus right now. What if I change my Grindr profile to "come little children, I'll take thee away to a land of enchantment"
To confirm, you are a grown ass man and you just asked me what her vag looked like.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was so high I could TASTE the fillings in my teeth
So, my first week in Saskatchewan ended with me drinking moonshine and getting eaten out in a tractor. I already love it here!
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