I wish my penis had an off switch
This girl added me on fb and has all these pics of her kissing her little brother saying i will love you forever. I'm creeped out.
maybe it's her son
thats not any better.
I made a game called come to class high and eat nachos.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
On that note; HAPPY 21: THE SEQUEL from the back of an ambulance!!
I hope you remember pushing the girl off the stage because you said she wasn't good at pole dancing.
New definition for "rock bottom": Waking up in a puddle of your own puke, missing your fake tooth. Then having to dig through said puddle of puke for aforementioned fake tooth. Think it's time I quit partying so hard.
Is this your way of breaking up with me as my wingman?
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I just traded 5 cigarettes for a sandwich on they greyhound.You owe me 5 cigarettes. I told you I would get hungry.
She kept calling herself DJ McDonalds and said she wanted to make some Egg McMusic.
Woke up naked on your sister's mattress lying next to a single slice of bread.
Damn it. Can't order pizza. Can't do the hot tub. No one to invite over for loud, kinky sex. What's the point of being here alone?!
I'm too high and old for this...
I think I gotta smoke less weed, I'm getting to lazy to fuck my girlfriend
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
Randomize
