How crunk are you?
I'm a Tom Selleck. Zero being Tipper Gore and max being the Bush twins
You poured sparks in your panties and NOW you're wondering why you have a UTI?
you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
he is literally lying on the floor eating cookies. doing nothing. and as i was hitting him he needed to protect the cookies more than himself.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
She told me to act like the hulk during sex. Shit got 9 different shades of weird
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just realized i left my bra at his house. WHY do i suck at one night stands?!
I knew you were super hungover. But so hungover you fire our house cleaner because her vacuums too loud is excessive
You're like the fucking Mozart of sexting.
I told him no rough stuff and he immediately bit my ass. Who the fuck does that?
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
It smells like graded cheese and febreze in the family room what the hell have you been up to???
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