What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
i paused nhl 10 while i jerked off and it was like a crowd was cheering me on
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
beware of the wheat thins...there might be a knife in it
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Sometimes familiar penis is best. Its like comfort food for your vagina.
Wait does semen show up on blood tests?
You got pulled on stage by a stripper who wore ruffled ankle socks and did jumping jacks for her dance. Then you were put in a chokehold by a security guard that almost cried because you supposedly said "fuck you!" to him.
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Just took a shot of 151, rimmned my middle finger in it, lit it on fire and lit a cigarette off it while flicking off my boss. How was your night??
I cannot handle Xanax... I just turned my computer on and I googled how to work YouTube
Sex and compliments. The way to my heart
The shower rod just came down while I was pooping. I caught it though and the curtain stayed on, so I'm not sure if it's a good or bad omen for the rest of my day
Randomize
