All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
So the "just a friend" kid confessed his love for me...sometimes I hate how awesome I am.
words of advice: black light parties reveal cum stained clothing.
I need you to come over. Im crying, day drinking and working out simultaneously.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Its not that I don't mind giving her as much as my penis as she wants, its the post sex cigarette I have to supply. Shits $9 a pack.
Put a tip jar next to your bed from now on.
Your good ideas are reason #4 we need to live together.
Well if I'm going to hook up with every ethnicity by the end of undergrad, I need to be moving on
On one hand it was kinda weird his girlfriends stuff was at his apartment. On the other hand it was kinda nice because she had great shampoo
yeah, you could tell they werent used to the strange things that i say. they were all outright shocked when i told one guy i hoped someone kidnapped him and stretched his dickhole over a fire hydrant
Happy "I'm glad our dad made us sisters and then summarily downgraded himself to sperm donor" day.
apparently when she asked me how drunk I was on a scale of 1-10, I answered "bitch I'm fabulous" and tried to do a sassy hairflip. but I have short hair.
we've never stayed at a party for more than an hour. we always end up at a pizzaria. by ourselves. with no friends.
what else are best friends for?
We banged in his car behind the burrito place. Google Maps keeps asking me to rate my visit. 5/5, would cum again.
Goat in kitchen.....explanation?....
Randomize
