I have a dream, to one day wake up next to a girl, walk to the washroom and kick her kids toys out of the way. That day has come, yes we can.
We each get one free throw up cleaning, no questions asked.
DO IT!!! IT MUST BE FATE THAT I GAVE YOU THAT CONDOM!!!!
i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
letting you know, as a good neighbor, that when your windows open and your shade is up we can hear and see you dancing naked to money maker... nice boobs
The thing is you're all "holy crap this isn't nearly as bad as I thought pissing on my own face would be."
what the fuck is a social media consultant, who does she consult for, and how bad is she at it? her facebook account is currently hacked and posting ads for the ipad 2 on my newsfeed
Doing the walk of shame and bringing my dad a newspaper en route. Favourite daughter status confirmed.
I am the prescription. I can be taken orally or vaginally and in any dosage. This is why I went to med school.
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
His dad gives me dirty looks whenever I come over though. I think it's because I eat his food and have sex with his son.
He is so pussy whipped she has made him change his name to Toby
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
I'm good. Got my nipples pierced and threw my back out. 🙌
I don't know whether to cheer for the free bourbon, or cry from the screaming children.
Randomize
