john hughes is dead. crushing any and all dreams of me ever being in an 80's john hughes film. bummer.
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
She was really fucking loud. My neighbors definetly knew my name...
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
I told him he was probably the first guy to get fucked while wearing Star Wars pyjamas.
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
It's statistically impossible for there not to be at least one guy sexting you right now
I had a dream last night that I answered the phone and after I said hello, Shia Lebeouf started yelling "DO IT! JUST DO IT!" That's when I knew, I had officially become meme trash.
I did wake up to a random meat and cheese plate next to my bed, that was a thrill.
Something I never want to forget. I'm in a porta potty and she is outside knocking on the door going "You're a queen. You're a queen. Never think any different"
You need to get a passport so we can carry our bad decisions over the border
HEY I WILL KIDNAP THE FUCK OUT OF YOUR PET GOAT
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