Please explain to me what this has to do with my fantasy to fuck larry king?
My goal for this summer is to make enough extra money to be able to afford the ticket for water skiing naked.
I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
I was talking to some girls while you were falling off your bar stool into the person next to you.
Im walking to an ob gyn practice session right now. Literally have to get face first in a middleaged vagina in 10 min.
Yes ma'am. At least you're a warning story I can tell to my kids in the future
He's rapping about a turtle neck sweater. Please come get me.
Everyone is now just referring to it as "the night Hannah couldn't get laid" so needless to say you didn't miss much
I want to show up to tomorrow's study group looking like I got hit by a train. A train made of dicks.
Okay, first we buy a pirate outfit and then we get drunk, you in or you out?
There's literally not a single picture of him with a shirt on. I can't talk to him without dislocating my eye balls.
hahahaha classic. this is why you are going to a college with a hospital right next to it
Well I just woke up to no pants, Gatorade on the headboard along with an uneaten steak, and the instinct I was a giant asshole.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
I forget, are we banging TA’s for grades this semester or not?
Depends on how cute he is
Randomize
