id be glad to
I puked a lego.
His moose knuckle keeps winkin at me
2 out of 3 people here lost their shoes. America.
I was afraid that she would smell her boyfriend's penis on my breath while we were talking.
she's drunk at 2 in the afternoon again. at least my mother is predictable.
My dads not up on pop culture but he's not dumb enough to believe your 2 girls 1 cup reference at dinner was from the bible.
You are a booty call, not a friend.
So my flight takes off at 8am. Does this mean I need to break my airport bar pre-flight ritual?
Aren't you the one who taught me that airports are the judgement-free drinking zone?
Should I take a fireball shot or brush my teeth?
i know it looks like there's pee in the mayo jar in the fridge but i promise it's just apple juice that wouldn't fit in the jug after i added the booze.
The Stanley Cup Final is killing me. I can't go to work drunk again.
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
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