oh btw spread eagle is not an appropriate phrase to use in a scientific presentation. learned that the hard way
Tell your boobs to stop staring at me.
make sure you eat your skittles last so when you barf you can barf RAINBOWS.
I'm glad you enjoy my eating disorder so much.
This chick just checked into her walk of shame on Foursquare... I think I'm in love.
i prefer some hard alcohol, but wine makes me feel less of a progressive alcoholic
throwing up in the shower isnt as glamorous as i expected
since when the fuck is that glamorous?
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
Why the hell did you smack that girls beer out of her hand at the end of the night then buy her a double jack and coke for?
Its called bad cop laid cop.
trust me, you don't know shame until you're in a peacock costume getting CPR by random dudes
Ran out of plates, so I'm using my sociology notes. Looks like they will finally have a practical use.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
How does it feel to date your dad?
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
Randomize
