i only shaved half my leg
on purpose
Whose surfboard did we steal and why is there a wood carving of a pelican in the fridge where the beer used to be?
all we ever talk about is how much i like your dick or my drug problem.
You came into my room at 3am.. drunk.. and asked to do spanish homework together. Props for being a good student.
i havent thrown up in four monthes, im clearly not drinking enough
For using a life jacket as a pillow, I slept pretty good last night...
Everytime I sleep with him he gives me another hint to what his tattoo means. I'm like a slutty Nancy Drew.
she fell through a window trying to flash someone
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
I'm just going to say , cocktail races are not for a Wednesday night maybe not even a Friday type of deal
Every little girl dreams of the day when she picks up her fuck buddy because he's drunk at the gay bar again.
What are your thoughts toward getting nasty in a minivan?
I mean, if there was a version of you with a penis, you'd fuck it...right? Like just outta curiosity at least
I just made the most “single life” Amazon order ever: protein bars and condoms.
I am really drunk and also a zombie.
Randomize
