i just looked at my contacts and realized i saved the pizza hut girl's number as "fckucin pizza" the other night.
u know what's depressing? a picture of an owl without a graduation cap
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
there was a party in your bed and you weren't invited... change your sheets
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
I was THIS CLOSE. But drunk me wanted to play those washboard abs with a spoon, like an actual washboard. Apparently that hurts, so I just squished it out at home alone.
Stop acting like the Lucky Charms you're feeding people is actually ecstasy.
my nose is crying tears of wow.
He brought over a bottle of tequila and a box of donuts with the Plan B, so I guess you could say things are getting pretty serious.
Come eat Chinese buffet and watch us trip on acid. It'll be fun.
one nice thing about being home: no walks of shame, just drives of shame
My co-worker accidentally texted me regarding the threesome him and other one are planning.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
