i just wanna soil my oats bro
The last thing I remeber was convincing you to hide in the fridge, and then taking everything out and you not fitting.
I will also inform you that stairs change when you change a house. Those hurt.
wtf
I'm guessing you saw the bathroom?
Her directions to the house party: "the north star will guide you, turn left. I'm wearing the potato hat"
i've officially fucked a sailor, a policeman and a biker. I've never noticed my Village People fetish until now...
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
We may have picked the wrong resort. Brenna and I have already been propositioned for swinging twice and we've only been here 3 hours
New York City is dangerous when the only bars you go to are the ones that have 'open' in front
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
No I kepy moaning and just called out a name to make them believe I was actually having sex instead of masturbating.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
we started drinking at 4pm, somehows its 1 am im in bathing suit running from the cops.....any explanation of what happened?
Randomize
