FYI, if you pee in my bed (or even let R___ and E___ sleep in it), I will fart loudly during your wedding vows. Trust.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
I feel like my life has just been one 21 year long episode of "i shouldn't be alive"
I bought the love spell lotion from victoria secret so it atleast smells like a girl is present while I'm masturbating
I found those 18 whoppers we bought.
I found a vibrator in my car and it's not mine...this is becoming a weird day.
He just compared himself to a majestic butterfly in regards to the lack of girlfriends. i don't even know what to say.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
Welp, I can cross "making out with a guy in a dress" off my bucket list...
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
He kept telling me that it stood for Sex Utility Vehicle
I think we have it figured out.. She's my wife when she's here and gives me advise on how to get ass when she's 1500 miles away.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
Somehow my family started talking about sex toys at breakfast.
I didn't even know we were hiding from the cops, I was just playing with the cats. People kept telling me to be quiet the cops are here and I was like DID YOU SEE THIS CAT!?
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