I have got to lose weight!! Apparently no one wants to fuck a fat chick with herpes.
Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
WHY ARE YOU SMOKING WEED WHEN YOU JUST HAD A STROKE. AND MORE IMPORTANTLY WHY ARE YOU DOING IT WITHOUT ME.
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Oh Jesus. Are you going to the hospital?
No I'm showering then leaving for Vegas
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Me and some girl at the bar just high fived for not wearing bras
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
My throat is burning
Thats because you proceeded to drink the salsa because you thought it was alcohol...dumbass
It true. It written in the Bible.
Yes I remember that, right next to the passage where jesus said unto his disciples, pop molly, fuck bitches amen
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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