If I had a sex resume I'd get tons of jobs.
His pubic hair was longer than his dick
you're single. I'm single. let's spend vday with the 3 most important men in our lives: ben, jerry, and josé
I have six drafts of messages to you that just say "blood" and I have no idea where they came from.
I just horrified a large group of people. Congrats on dating me.
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
Go forth my little lesbian, get your gayme on
My boobs looked so good under the black light I saw a girl physically cover her boyfriend's eyes.
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
I just handed a girl a slice of pizza and she handed me her number. Is this how Vegas hookups normally begin?
if i don't get grease into my system pronto i will undoubtedly die
One day I'm gonna have to send my roommate a "sorry I got high and forgot you were in the room and masturbated next to you" fruit basket
This couple is walking their pig around campus
Im riding the bus with beer in one hand and chapagne in the other. I love weddings.
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