He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I think we should see other people.
Already working on it.
Molly wanted me to tell you, "she hasnt shit on the floor in a while" like she thinks its an accomplishment.
We'll make it into fun. If I can make wii bowling into a drinking game, I can make studying spanish into a sex game.
We have video of him nailing the sex doll to my wall and putting all the monopoly pieces in her nose
Dude that bathroom stall was not tall enough to be doing lines in, guys kept peeking over and giving us high fives
I am burnt. Have a black eye. Face dove into the grass and got pissed on. Time of my life. God Bless the USA.
Would you get mad if I held a "how many dick pics can you get in one night" competition with my friend?
His dick is hereby named Charles Dickens. Will's is less cerebral. I'd like to call it Pinnacle like the vodka we drank when we hooked up, but I feel like that's a compliment it doesn't deserve.
Who would've thought that Monopoly night would've ended with some girl peeing on the couch.
I was carrying around a bottle of Jameson yelling rescue me
Hypothetically speaking, at what point does fire become too much fire?
Be quiet or buzz aldrin will come beat you up with science
It's still fucked up that my mom let me think Vanilla Ice was my dad for YEARS just because she thought it was funny.
We were driving past a farm when he screamed at me to stop the car, then he jumped out and tried to ride a cow.
Randomize
