youre so sexy i want your bod
dude, did you turn gay?
heather?
this is jacob
Quick, to the slutcave!
And then you gave the bride a high five and said "Go forth and Consummate."
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
She gave me a handjob at the dinner table while her dad was carving the turkey. I made eye contact with him. Im pretty sure he knew.
Also, your vagina needs a time out and let your brain have a chance to make decisions.
So I feel like I should feel objectified by your comment about my boobs but instead I just feel proud. 21ST CENTURY FEMINISM, BABY
Sarah is throwing up still and I'm eating salad with my fingers
No I don't want to see you. You're the reason that I'm going to need a new liver by the time I'm 30.
Went to put my shoe on and asked myself why I left a sock in it. I didn't. Needless to say I found our used condom.
I am going to paint butt plugs like little Christmas trees and give them as gifts.
You could paint cock rings as wreaths.
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
