It is pretty awful out and I still haven't put on pants yet.
I'm so drunk I cant read cursive anymore.
Want to have sex later?
This feels like a trap
I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
I put labels all over the house on things I think are mine. A cactus, the dog, and a bottle of wine.
I just celebrated my ex boyfriends birthday by having more sex than he will today.
So he might be the smartest man alive. He had the stripper pick him up taco bell on the way to the room for an extra 50 bucks.
I have fiberglass splinters all over my hands and woke up with a sign that says PUMPKINS in my room.
Someone was asleep on the couch next to us and woke up. We paused and he yelled "gentlemen, behold! Sex!"
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Good news, my sex bruises are fading. Bad news, my boobs look like I have a skin disease because of it.
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
woke up and you werent here...its ok if we're never going to speak again but my furry hand cuffs are missing and i would like them back. thanks.
Randomize
