wtf he couldnt undo my bra, i asked him if it was his first time and he said "with a girl? yeah"
Trying not to fart in the comp lab is going to take everything i've got.
Drunk. I slept-stripped.
By myself.
Kill yourself wednesday started off with a bang, and im pretty sure im still drunk from tequila tuesday.
Well the police had to intervene and I couldn't exactly feel my legs by the end of the night, but I'd say it was a successful Friday night.
im still going. this is my new reality. also. dont take glowsticks in the bath. they explode. actually. do. it. its beautiful.
i dont think thats healthy man...
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
He wouldn't stop calling me so I sent him a text saying "I'm dead. Dead. Leave me alone." And he replied with "so can I see you then?"
I woke up on the green space outside our dorm cradling a watermelon and sucking my thumb. College is crazy man.
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
You're like the Miss Manners of anonymous gay sex.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
Just got an exam care package consisting of only adderall wrapped in money. Score onr for mom.
My roommate just angrily told the cat he should have knocked, but that's not lockdown madness. They're always like that.
Randomize
