She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
She put her phone in her underwear and it somehow managed to work it's way into her vagina. she has a BLACKBERRY.
I am paying my roommate as much of the electric bill in pennies as possible because I hate her.
I walked up to a girl in a bar, and all I was capable of doing was taking my beer and bumping it up to hers. While doing so, all I could say was "Bud Light". She walked away.
There's two girls at the bar sniffing each others boobs.
I will fight anything that is not spinning right now
i'm drinking margaritas from a pouch...really dont think i'm in the position to judge anyone...
I said "have a good day officer and I'll see you friday when I get arrested for being too drunk.."
I told him I had AIDS after he bit me. His dad cried. I think I just ruined the little guy's 3rd birthday, but he had in coming.
Why did I just get a ziplock baggie labeled "2010" on it from you in the mail?
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
I started crying then my dog licked his dick so yeah.. Kind of ruined the moment.
Shame?!? Shame only comes from getting naked in front of strangers and it not being awesome
Thanks for having me over last night. Sorry I licked rum off your kitchen floor.
I just do things that aren't classy the classy way.
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