So ignoring my calls doesnt work if you update your facebook a minute later.
Just saw my boss eat a banana in three bites.
I sometimes wonder how many of the girls I know have done anal...and why none of them have ever dated me.
I was just about to go down on her when she gave herself a "smell check" and said "no, not today".
Nothing kills the mood more than a jesus song.
He then proceeded to tell me about his enlarged lymph nodes, his"severe" case of blue balls.
We left at the same time. You got home three hours after I did and said you got your head stuck in a fence. I can't believe you don't remember this.
I still have way too many Frat houses to get blackout drunk at before I'm get in any type of relationship
She poured beer through the deck into the hot tub. She called it a deck shot. It was horrifying but super awesome at the same time.
They were loudly fucking last night and there was way too much conversation involved. It wasn't even dirty talk, it was more like "your doing it wrong" talk
I just told my mother my "if there are drugs I'm only taking them if I don't have to pay" rule and witnessed her perception of my shatter and crumble behind her eyes.
I think I maybe realized he was too old for me when I went into his bathroom and he had anti aging face cream.
There aren't enough words in the English language to fully describe how worried I am for your dick. And the rest of you, I suppose.
My liver has officially said "fuck this shit" and escaped from my body.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
