I just tried to drunkenly fart the beat of Disturbia by Rihanna
I was in the bathroom and heard my brother scream "YOU FAIL!!!", and I swear to GOD, I thought my penis was yelling at me.
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
Isn't the perk of being in a relationship not having to put in effort for sex?
I have no idea what i drank..i remember dancing and ass grabbing..u falling. Headbutts. Trying not to puke. And deja vu.
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I feel like my teeth are caked on with other teeth. What did I just smoke?
Maybe I'll just get really drunk on valentines day and tell him I think his penis is small
She did my hair, then ate me out. Switching teams was an awesome decision.
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
What am I supposed to say? "Hi new uncle in law once I tried cocaine in Mexico and every once in a while i motorboat strangers. so happy to be a part of your family"
I was looking at the storm clouds during my run and one oddly resembled ur penis
That said I did get head on the roof of a 15 story building which, regardless of quality, is still cool
I lost my voice. So I'm going to pretend I'm Ariel with legs today.
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Randomize
