go do what you do best...puke behind churches
i fell asleep on him beating off on webcam last night, i'm such a great boyfriend.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
We almost died tonight..we almost die every night. but tonight was the closest by far
I needed to do something spontaneous, and since no one had coke this was the next best thing.
This bitch rocks a fuckin fanny pack and still manages to lose her phone at every thirsty thursday
Plan B, arranged marriage to a rich Indian, is rapidly becoming Plan A. Fuck Finals.
No gay bar. My eyemake up looks like sex and Im using these dick daggers of mine tonight.
A dude just looked at me like my drunk swaying was corrupting his progeny DUDE YOUR KID HAS A MULLET YOU'VE ALREADY RUINED HIM
He's a loser but she says we just don't see the good stuff about him. It's like she's dating the Charlie Brown Christmas Tree.
So instead of going to meet her mom, I decided to jump out of her window which was about 1.5 stories off the ground. I'm alright, but I ended up meeting her mom anyway.
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
I'M TOO HORNY FOR GRAMMAR!!!
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
Randomize
