I got so high last night I started crying because i couldn't stop thinking about how scary space is
you may be an alcoholic when your drug dealer calls to yell at you for drinking too
besides im still about 80% sure that im eskimo brothers with jerry springer
For your information i will be shotgunning whiskey on may 21st.
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
His fucking was so lame I considered painting my nails during...
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
I HAVE A GENTLEMANLY VAGINA.
His pick-up lines are quotes from Doctor Who. Of course I fucked him.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
It's a good thing he's hot, because it seemed like he was trying to do CPR on my private parts
Made it to my hair appointment on time, and got some dick. Today is already a great day
Listen, I've got balls in my face can I call you back
He set the tone in the back of his car by blasting Marvin Gaye's sexual healing before railing me
Randomize
