he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
i have some very unhappy turtles in my backseat
Hungover Fun Fact #4: Eating a grilled stuffed burrito WILL make you blow chunks in the ice maker at work.
i really care about you, respect you, another gay word, and another gay word... lets just drink
I sang Jenna happy bday in the middle of throw up hurls
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
For u too. Could be years before u have a finger in ur ass
I have bruises all over from falling so much last night, I even have bruises on my arms from them picking me up off the street.. Oh vodka nights.
I slept with him because his girlfriend should know better than to be with him given is reputation. It was like sex and a lesson all in one.
I'm gonna cougar town the shit out of that prom.
Goodbye spring break, hello depressing video on AIDS.
His dick is as big as my 7" heels... Awkwardness is forgotten.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I got all the way to work before I realized there were Trojans in my bra.
You sending me our unborn, unfertilized babies' names is not what I envisioned when you said you'd "drunk text me later".
Randomize
