i wanted a birthday blowjob. not a birthday VD.
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I'm gonna make this happen. You think it would be too forward to text him my room number with turn by turn directions straight to my crotch?
She just ended a sentence with "and he doesn't even mind my herpes..."
I really need to get laid. I'm telling at least 10 girls that I love them tonight.
Odds are at least 1 out of those 10 girls will be as crazy as you and will be into it.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I feel like I just tasted lung cancer.
I just pictured ballsacks being shoveled into the furnace of the Titanic.
Last night dinner was cinnamon buns and whiskey. At least tonight I had a fajita with my cookies and tequila. I may be a little stressed about these end of semester tests.
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
My dream of watching a live dick sword fight might never be realized now. Currently sobbing, shots to follow
Just hooked up my fuck buddy with a job working for my dad...this can only end bad.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
