tonight would not even compare to the night i tried to pee in the living room
when i start to cry when i lose at mario kart is when you should put me to bed
The guy in the cast riped the tap off the keg and hit steve with it
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
In case you were wondering, taking me to see beauty and the beast in theaters would totally get you an unsolicited sloppy beej in the parking lot afterwards.
You should probably take note of that and make it happen.
I wore a firefighters hat and drank beer all night. They had to drive me home after breaking the beer pong table, they told me I was welcome back tonight though...
They should make a traveling bouncer service to remove unwanted people from your house without getting the cops involved. That sums up my Friday.
You said something about how beautiful my pockets were, then walked away.
Yes talking about pockets is classic me.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
I CLEANED MY BATHROOM FOR YOU!! betrayal
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
sorry i got drunk at sunday brunch and force fed carrot sticks to your cat
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