How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
theres no point in washing my sheets anymore. its always going to be a fine layer of booze and semen.
Whenever I said your name you screamed polo and did another shot.
Walk of Shame today included voting.
These headphones make me feel like I'm sitting on John Mayers lap and he's singing just to me. I picture like a pitch black room with a single spotlight on us. Also, convinced Kyle to give me percocet soo.
BTW. If I show up really drunk and dressed a cowboy, don't be alarmed
ill be fine wheb you get back. I'm gunna do real world things like washing the dishes. having to perform serious tasks brings you down.
I found him in bed on a pullout couch with another dude. He had two empty puke buckets and his empty bottle of jagermeister right by his head.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
Heres a quick tip! When getting black out head from your girlfriend dont come to and say "wait... wheres my girlfriend"
I'm to the point where I'm fantasizing about Iron Chefs going down on me.
Ok: all ex-gfs except you from the last 5 years have or are about to have a baby...be on the lookout...
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
Randomize
