yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
im gonna call it quits for tonight... I am so drunk I dont even have the motor skills to masturbate
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
If you were a real friend you would have told me you saw me in a porno despite how awkward of a convo it is. You act like I should always know when I'm being recorded.
I could have made money off of that but no you had to wait 2 years to drunkenly tell me this shit.
I never knew so many sexual things could be done while wearing footie pajamas
LEAVE MY LITTLE DICK OUT OF THIS
What I've learned from glowsticks: glowing things are not safe to eat
My TA is here with a sombrero and an entire bottle of Svedka. Skip jury duty.
I'm so hungover I can't taste anything
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
Seriously if we go to rome ur fucking me into the sunset on a wrought iron balcony overlooking Vatican City
Jesus christos I come home and am treated like my vagina is made of gold
Either that or it dispenses candy
My boobs are too perky to pay that much for a car
Randomize
