I'm at a Rock of Love themed party. New high? New low? I can't tell.
Wait. Scratch that. It's not themed. These girls are just sluts.
Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
Dude, a dry wedding reception should nullify the vows, because really, without the booze, you might as well be 5 years old again and playing dress-up
He plays me like an instrument...he is the Carlos Santana of my vagina.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just finished two pages in like 20-30 mins bitches SHWAMP DRUNK LIBRARY SHWAMP
Well I can cross being naked in a minivan off the list
I sent dad a photo of my graduation certificate from drug therapy class. It was his birthday so it seemed appropriate.
Best feedback on my performance so far: "There are things that can't be unseen."
You came running into my room at 4 in the morning yelling "SANCTUARY!" and flung yourself into bed.
Hmmm, sounds like a Jaeger night then. Did I at least get to be the little spoon?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want to get "Patrick Kane" wasted tonight
I am one hundred percent down for that
I think I'm getting sponsored by the Mexican Drug Cartel for the start of my poker career. It was an interesting night at the bar. One word, Vegas.
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
I peed in Andys sink the other day bc I didnt want him to hear me pee
He started humming a moment like this when I was taking off his pants.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
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