I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
last night i told the bartender i only have 3 days left to live so i wouldnt have to pay for drinks
this morning i woke up with a nothing but a pair of what i believe are fairy wings on - and the bartender in my bed
he thinks ill be dead by monday and still came home w me.. WTF?
messed up. what color are the wings?
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
I'll be spending 4/20 on a cruise ship, so i need a babysitter to make sure I don't reenact Titanic
This year i'm grateful for nothing other than the discovery that the uncircumcized rumors about him were wrong
After it was shut down sean literally made out with four separate girls between the 100 feet to our house. It was a rampage.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
My whole sorority girl exterior is just a lie. I'm a fat tumblr girl on the inside.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
If you don't fuck me hard, rough, and senseless the minute we're alone in your room, I'm returning you to the boyfriend store
I want to be "performing a disservice to society by actually wearing clothes in public" hot.
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
I think he may actually care that I call him slampiece instead of his real name. Who knew he had feelings?
Seriously, I really just burned my nipple making ravioli.. I'd explain, but no reasoning makes this acceptable:/
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.
Randomize
