in the middle of sex he stopped to tell me that he loved me... then slapped my ass and told me "back to business"... im gonna marry him
Hm. I declare blue a flavor.
All I want for christmas is my sobriety back.
woke up in a garbage bag. literally. it was used as a sleeping bag.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
Just ran interference for her again. Sometimes i wonder how many times in my life i'll have to be a cock block at the clinic
Why is Kyle using one of my nieces as a blunt object to provoke and attack my other niece?
when I was too drunk to walk on my own two feet, he stole a shopping cart from the grocery store at the corner and proceeded to wheel me back to my apartment.
Then he tucked me in, gave me a goodnight kiss and slept on my sofa. I woke up this morning and he was making waffles.
he is a god among men.
Just had flashback to me showering u with stir fry as u rythed on the floor
I should probably go to bed before I start to care about why I started drinking in the first place.
Wanna show up on a guy's doorstep and punch him in the balls for me? At least this one isn't a cop.
You meet the best people naked in a hot tub at 2 am.
You don't know how skeptical I was about letting a guy with braces go down on me
For dinner, I'm having saltines, canned whipped cream, and beer. Are we sure I'm responsible enough for home ownership?
There is no rule that you can't be in a room with more than one dick that's been inside you.
Randomize
