Just bummed a recreational vicodin off my friend's 40 year old boyfriend & am hoovering a breakfast sammy from costco. And I don't have a boyfriend because why?
big game today.. looking forward to seeing that magic win, and then i will celebrate with a nude dip in lake Eola.. anyone else in??
I just fell asleep with a sandwich in my mouth at Cosi..people definitely saw
final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
I told him we can only be friends from now on & he said he knows but that I'm the 'best he ever had'.
you slept with him again didn't you
you can't just quote Drake AND compliment me at the same time & receive nothin. he knows me too well
I've decided to turn your sobriety into a reason for me to be able to drink more.
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
I have no recollection of sleep choking you
At one point I was waiting in line for the port o potties and a storm trooper came out of one and sprayed me in the face with a water gun
Like that actually happened I wasn't hallucinating
My roommate is watching gummy bears "race" from a mega-marshmallow to his lava lamp.
You sucked a guys dick who's name was Chad and that wasn't a sign that it was a bad idea?!
My mom just found my nipple clamps...... oh God why....
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
My glasses were in the garbage this morning
Btw. I have a sinus infection from doing cocaine in a portapotty at a Duran Duran concert. So, gimme a couple of days before y'all start the party.
Randomize