I just woke up to crumpled tissues everywhere. Looks like it was another night filled with tears and semen.
my fart just smelled so bad i acutally gagged
just because you are now my girlfriend does not mean you can text me nasty shit
When we ran out of red solo cups we switched to Starbucks cups for beer pong... Who doesn't want to live in Seattle?
a bus full of elementary school kids may or may not have seen me pissing off my front porch this morning
Now that world cup is done, funneling out of a vuvuzela has lost its fun
I can hear her blowing you man. All I hear is her saying 'yeah' over and over again.
The only good thing about this is that the pharmacy guy will stop trying to add me on Facebook.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
AND HOLY SHIT FLUBBER IS ON NETFLIX
We knew it was an interesting night when we found my thong wrapped around a chocolate chip muffin in the fridge.
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Do you think my laundromat will notice that the bloodstain on my sheets is in the shape of a face?
I mean, I already hooked up with her boyfriend. The least I can do is accept her facebook friend request.
I woke up under the kitchen table. Andy is cursing out Joe Exotic's name in between heaves in the bathroom. Jay is trying to sleep w/ a shirt tied over his eyes. Lena and Brad braved the sun to go get bloody mary supplies and food. I'd say the Tiger King drinking game was a success.
Randomize
