Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
Just made gatorade. in the bathtub.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
my neighbors having band practice on sunday morning is a message from the universe that I should stop drinking
My vagina is screaming your name . Wtf did you do to it
Charles Manson is Getting Married and I stare down at my tits and wonder how I am possibly single.
You know you're getting old when 19 year olds you've met on tinder advise you that you should start looking for a wife and/or the mother of your children
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
That's like a fucking falcon or some shit. I don't know birds but I know that is not a bird you fuck with.
I just found those cheese sticks in my purse. Along with a handful of confetti.
You informed me your place was now a nudist colony and unless I was there to drink schnapps with the cat I had to strip.
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
just walked passed a black light...apparently he DID cum.
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
Randomize
