Enough with studying for finals. Time to put that my little pony coloring book to use.
even in my darkest moments, having another person eat my jizz would make me smile
I found a girl on our couch wearing lederhosen this mornig... I dont know if i should be impressed or ashamed
he used a semicolon in his bootycall text, of course he's not gonna go down on me.
We found you passed out clutching your purse. There was 16oz of unopened cheddar cheese inside. You just kept saying SALSA YES.
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Stoned in some guys basement listening to ELO. it's like its 1978.
im just laying in bed, eating, getting fat, enjoying eating and getting fat, thinking about how i will probably have to get a fat boyfriend.
She's high and screaming MEREDITH IS A WHORE
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
I enjoy the company of your penis
I just took a picture of Austin's dick wearing a hat. Except its not a hat it's a DayQuil cap.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Randomize
