Is it possible to be promiscuous but in a classy way?
Riding home in a carseat. Worst. Night. Ever.
apparently people get pissed when you take the bag of wine out of the franzia box and put it in your purse before leaving the party
i just saw her new tattoo, how much more trashy can you get than having "taste the rainbow" on your body for the rest of your life?
Bars not open yet, I feel like a desperate alcoholic wandering around outside.
All I remember from my 21st is crying because the bouncer made him put his shirt back on
You are a booty call, not a friend.
I woke up with the Dorothy costume at my ankles, both sparkly red shoes on, and clutching ToTo....we're not in Kansas anymore, dude
Dude. You stood in a corner laughing your ass off while folding clothes, facing the wall. Yes, they were weed brownies..
So apparently after I spilled candle wax down the front of my pants, I went to the store, bought condoms, and passed them out to everyone at the bar.
I thought they were lying to me about the condoms, until I found the receipt in my pocket.
How does one acquire holy water?
Oh, now I remember why I deleted your number. You're kind of a dick. Please delete mine.
And remember people can't hear you kick ass in space
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
all i remember is walking home without my pants on... when i woke up i was sleeping in between my parents in their bed, no more whiskey wednesdays
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