I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
My dad assaulted a TSA agent this morning. Shut down airport security. Don't tell me that your family is embarrassing.
I could tell by the Randy 'Machoman' Savage "hey brother" that you were beyond inebriated
i have a surprise for you that looks bigger since I found my body hair trimmer
but then the words kidney pain and possible testicle shrinkage kept ringing in my head
I thought stuff was gonna go really bad after he filled the super-soaker with kerosene. but it all turned out pretty well.
Finally put clothes on I've been laying naked in the bed for approximately 4 hours since I showered and by showered I mean when I laid down in the bathtub with the shower on
Ok. So I've woke up in a hospital. New thing to top that.... Waking up and realizing you've been locked inside the bar by urself at 430 am and all the doors are locked by key
I don't even know man. I was to busy having beer showered on me and grabbing some balls
Well I'm in the bathtub smoking a bowl and eating doritos and frosting so I might not be the one to advise you on this shit but I'll try.
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
He stole my heart. I stole his identity.
Woke up went to work ate beef after three year hiatus shat my pants went to bed
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
