no matter how many times i close my eyes and hit ignore on my phone. i must remind myself shit i still have to see her at work
He just said "wow, thats some rly nice hair! And those teeth..thosee are some cool teeth"
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
I usually just read books and meditate to an aquatic soundtrack of sea walrus's mating. But ill choose coors light instead
You literally spelled every word wrong or with numbers except for "drunk", which you used all caps for.
I felt the need to accentuate it....
Once again being low on toilet paper is forcing us into another round of our favorite game - toilet paper roulette - where there can only be 1 winner. Maybe.
I just googled "can they trace a vibrator back to you" so that' s how my life it going.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
We should leave before they realize I dumped a bowl of Fritos in your bag just in case I got hungry
Today is get drunk without showing anyone my penis day
she just kept pointing at the cows and calling them field penguins
I am cleaning melted cheese out of my hair. This is a new experience for me
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
Randomize
