do u think i could put an abortion on my debit card?
dude sorry about putting my finger in your butt last nite i was wasted and thought it was mine
And when I look at him, I just want him to say "I love you" in between deep thrusts and hard grunts.
I just gave my whole company pinkeye. How's that for a summer intern's lasting impression? BOOYAHH
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
Just saw a motorized bathtub. I think this college thing is gonna work out.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
I'm gonna be a few minutes late, some asshole just fell off the ferry so we had to stop.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
BRILLIANT IDEA: In honor of summer olympics we need to start a synchronized drinking team.
Beer and tomahawks! Not gonna end well!
ON A SIMILAR NOTE MY DICK SIZE PSYCHIC SKILLS ARE SO GOOD
Your dick. My mouth. We have 20 minutes.
Randomize
