Stephanie. Problem. I think if I had met Murphy before Ben I would have fucked him instead.
Don't worry about your Murphy feelings. I may have fucked him no matter what.
I totally thought the tree was playing the guitar
if I hooked up with that creppy kkid in bio does that count as doing charity work during the holidays?
I need to write the inventor of adderall a thank you note stapled to a copy of my degree
But why is there no point in liking him? Does he have herpes? Is he married? Is he gay? Did he get his penis chopped off in a freak accident? If the answer is no to all of the above, then he is fair game
I created another version of Halloween, it's called swalloween, whatever girl in a slutty costume you bring home has to swallow or forever be known as the holiday grinch
If you get me so fucked up I can't use the microwave , I'm going to be so mad at you
when I said energy drinks I meant cocaine
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Dislocated my knee during sex, popped it back in and kept going. Then got simpathy chipotle out of it too.
One more sleep until playoffs, Canucks are back this year, you bet your ass I'm going to uphold the tradition of being the 90 lb girl that fights every hairy ass Bruins fan at BWW.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
There is a man in my bed with "new zealand" tattooed on his back. Wtf happened last night?
Yea I went out in footie pajamas and still got laid. Good night for u?
let me assure you that a rugburn on your forehead is the worst side effect of tequila i have experienced to date.
Randomize
