I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
Can we please stop calling your vagina the cave of wonders?
This guy in a neck brace is ordering bottle service at the strip club. Not sure whether to applaud his commitment or scorn his addiction. It's a draw.
I'm eating cheerios out of the palm of my hand while I pee with the door open. Is this adulthood?
Just woke up with an entire pack of Oreos in my cheetah onesie. I've been waiting for this moment forever.
I CAN ONLY BE THE BIRDIE ON YOUR SHOULDER WHO LEADS YOU INTO BAD DESCISIONS
Not as great as when your drunk mom grabbed my junk, but better than when your sober grandma sacktapped me and grabbed my butt.
What, so now you are his nutritionist and his fuck buddy?
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
Thank you, BTW, for defiling my bed. Glad it was done well.
Let's ride this possibly pregnant train together
Randomize
