he broke up with me so i peed in his bed
still wasted. at home depot . just threw up in one of the demo showers. not okay.
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
I mean if she was naked in my room I would talk to her
Clusterfucked is a frowned upon word in work related emails
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She had a cast on when I met her, but she blamed me for breaking her arm this morning. I'm gonna marry this girl.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
I just told a bottle to be chill
and meant it
Well I accidentally flashed a 76 year old woman, i'm in a house full of republicans and Im almost drunk enough to give the gay rights speech so i'd say this wedding reception is going great
HOW THE FUCK CAN YOU NOT REMEMBER WHIPPING IT OUT AND PUTTING ON THE BAR?
By the way, you're banned for life.
Is it weird to wish your favorite hooker "happy thanksgiving"?
Then while I was crying on his shoulder, he got a boner. Soo. I kinda just hopped on.
Blacked in cold and wet, with them areound me singing Aaaaall we are saaaaayiiiing is YOU PEED YOUR PANTS
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