He compared my vagina to the first time he tried cocaine
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
The bank teller laughed at me....I'm apparently that fucking hungover looking
All I wanted was my $85. Judgement free. But nooooo
Seriously, you can't give someone's wife an orgasm on the dance floor of a gay nightclub and then hang out with her husband the following week
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I told him I was very thankful for what his country has done to my vagina and walked away.
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
You should have thought about how you were going to treat me before having me take photos of your asshole.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
I almost took a picture but it looked like he might have a shank and I'm just not at a place in my life where I could handle having tetanus
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I've peed outside too many times in just this past week
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Would you accept a fantastic blowjob as payment?
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
on a scale from 1 to "can't put a toothbrush in your mouth without gagging" how hungover are you?
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