NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
You tried to convince her that if she gave you head she'd hear the ocean.....
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
I'm not giving my ex her earrings back. If some chick i hated gave me brownies i would still eat them. It's the same thing.
Who was that guy I met at your brother's house who had to get stitches in his ass?
Aaaaand that would be the most of my hand I've ever fit into a vagina before.
And dont tell me its his job to cockblock me just because he's my boyfriend.
I'm the only one who goes to a bar and leaves with an extra twenty bucks and a pumpkin.
Teenager with grandparents staying in their room: is to blue balls, as parent waiting for teen to come home safe: is to sleep. You will live- love mom
Trying to decide who to DD on the fourth and I came up with a Who's who of guys I've hooked up with in the last month. Not an ideal situation, but I have a feeling it's gonna happen anyway.
You started yelling about vegans ruining the world. Because we drove past some cows eating grass.
I just had a flashback to me puking and you telling me it was okay because my boobs still looked awesome.
Decided to stay in tonight. Completely sober. Just got two drunken booty calls within 5 minutes of each other. This is my life.
i have to pee so bad and he is sleeping and idk where the bathroom or my clothes are!!!
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
Randomize
