he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
yeah, he just sent me a picture of himself with his shirt off.... It didnt turn me on, it just made me want to buy him a big mac....
Who would win... a chainsaw pooping pterodactyl or a bear with machine guns for feet. big debate about this right now
You don't have to believe me. My vagina knows it happened.
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
there is a dorito bag in my car full of my mouth blood
Dude found out there's an open bar at the celebration of life thing for my grandma which is at noon. Now I know why I can drink so much
Okay so my USC tutor just offered to eat me out. I think I'm definitely applying to USC.
We lost our room key and found it in his pocket with 3 pieces of fish.
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
7% of guys ive been with can get me off... I did the math!
I walked into the bathroom and there's this 6'5" cop washing his hands. He looks at me and goes, "Heard you singing outside. Sound real pretty."
No more tequila EVER.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
Well the cops were called after the kid fell, but we saw 4 cute guys from our window while it was going down, so it wasn't all that bad.
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