You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
so he went down on me and i thought i heard him say "you're smelly" to my vagina
i got awkward and finally asked him what he said
he actually said "you want some dick?" to my vagina. which is worse? either way he's talking to it
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
btw im making up a story about these stitches..... i think a hockey stick to the face sounds better then i fell up the stairs
Should have told me the night we were talking about deal breakers that vomming outside your car was one of them. I would have taken a cab back
there's a strong possibility i came on your eyeliner last night bathroom sex was unplanned and rather messy sorry
he gave me a thermos so I could take my coffee with my on drive of shame. I was unexpectedly grateful...
You are a magnificent human being. I love you from head to toe. This wine is DELICIOUS.
I got turned off after he said, "i can see us in the future...me, you, and a back yard full of alpacas."
i hate going to her parties because i always know everyone there which means everyone knows my ex which means i wont get laid
You don't know bruises until you've been banged by 3 drunk bagpipers in the back of thier bus
its weird getting into a political debate with a pony dressed as an anime character online
I'm just hoping that with all the times he's puked in my yard a mushroom field might grow.
I woke up, topless, my car was parked funny so I threw on my hoodieto go fix it and found a jello shot in my pocket. where did I go last night?!
Randomize