Send those Picts to my email please. From last night
Ps thx for the porn on my phone
;) ur welcome
he has cookie breath... dont trust fat people.
why do you have a stuffed bear wearing a thong and a seatbelt in your backseat??
She passed out on top of the bar. Still did body shots off her.
i'm pretty sure they aren't charging me for that window i broke with a turkey sandwich while i was hammered.
The nurse who handed me my discharge papers underlined and highlighted do not consume alcohol while on my painkiller its like she knows me.
I think I died last night. I had 14 beers..well 13 1/2 if you count the one that got spilled on the baby in the elevator.
is there a reason blood came out of my hair in the shower?
head injury at diner. you headbutted the wall a few times because it got in your way
How did "just two beers for happy hour" turn into naked backyard wrestling?
I think the saddest part about my sex life is that most of it is pity sex.
I just wanted to be nice to your dick and you are rhyming at me.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
He a gives rim jobs, because, of course a guy who opens doors and makes reservations would lick your anus..like a gentleman.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
How much weed can I reasonably smoke now if I have to leave for work in a bit over an hour
Randomize
