Which one of you FUCKERS filled the toilet with soil and planted my mothers daisys in it? NOT FUCKING HAPPY
I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
i love waking up at 5am with an imprint of a toilet seat on my chest
There's a skull full of vodka. How bad can it be?
I have no idea what to do about this. He has a power over me and I think its called his tongue.
Yea you just drank all the Hookah water, then started talking gibberish about the Kool Aid you just drank.
You need to come back and help me drink our beer so the fridge has room for the other beers
Exactly, there's no such thing as commitment at foam n' glow
I told her I named my penis "The Spirit of Exploration." That's all it took.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
Well we had to pull over on a side street in town so I could throw up while moms were driving by with car loads of kids, I feel like I just performed a lil silent AA film for the childrens
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Just walked out of the train bathroom after having sex and got a round of applause from the passengers. Definitely the best part of the trip.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
As much as I hate to admit it, some day ill need a man because I can't open jars myself and you can't 69 a dildo
Like I don't even know how to respond to this?
Randomize
