all I remember was being half naked drinking water on my hands and knees from her dogs water bowl.
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Just bought plan B with a coupon. Told the pharmacist I like to keep it classy.
Every day you talk to me ... I literally love you more..
As it turns out, drunk trust falling that guy at the top of the waterslide didn't really work out for anyone..
We stuck the straw in the bourbon as a joke, you saw it as a challenge.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
You threw up? Were you ladylike while you did it? I'm wagering that you were. Like a Disney princess. Like a "Puke Me Pretty" Barbie.
In less than 24 hrs I went from conversing with Nobel Laureate, to hangover vomiting in front of a drive thru cashier
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
He saved you from those guys at the club, took you home, and made you breakfast. If this isn't your come to Jesus moment IDK what is.
So my ex vomited in front of my door and passed out there
i found a picture from last night of you sat on the floor naked, covered in butter and crying. care to explain?
I was hoping you could tell me..
as i was trying not to drunkingly fall off her toliet, i noticed her socks laying there. i quickly grabbed them, ran upstairs, and excitingly asked her if she had gotten them at sams club. she replied with, "...those are your socks."
I fucked a 6 foot tall guy who has abs showing without even flexing... I am a wizard and I have magical powers.
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