so craigslist just dropped their "erotic services" ads. there goes our livelyhood
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
The album was titled "Best Night Ever" until she found out she was preggers and switched it to "God Punishes Sluts"
he met me at the airport with a welcome home sign with a grilled cheese, PBR and a blow job on it. i missed america.
first day of class and my professor asked me if i was going to come to class drunk all semester.
say penis size is all related to how funny you are and then tell a feminist joke. if she laughs, you got double points, if she slaps you, she probably wasn't going to sleep with you anyway
I don't even fuck like that, he just happened to be in the right place at the right drunk.
It was one of those "how did I get to my bed and what am I wearing" mornings.
You're the best friend ever. I wouldn't want to do the walk of shame with anyone else.
Cant get off the floor. Need more beer. Send help.
Dealing with people is so much easier after you've had an orgasm or 4.
He took my Spanx off and still fucked me twice. I call that success.
Decided to smoke a bowl in my closet while my parents are gone. Just sat in the closet because I couldn't remember how to get out. Started panicking cuz I thought they were gonna show up... Checked my phone. It's been 4 minutes.
I'd rather plunge my eyes out than acknowledge being related to either of my brothers
Randomize
